On my journey of becoming a better human being, and a more rounded individual, I wish to undertake all aspects of the task. Originating from Europe and coming from a highly academic family (at least from my mother's side), growing up, the words cultured and refined were not mysterious traits of high class society as I observe it to be here in North America, but rather a minimum requirement of early development and later my adult life.
Being cultured and well rounded encompasses everything. From the books you've read, to your appreciation of classical music, your acquaintance with history and geography and a general familiarity with most every subject - feeling at home, not intimidated regardless of the topic that might come up at a dinner party or an abstract conversation on a late night with friends. Of course, the main purpose here is not to avoid a Bridget Jones moment but that holy effort of attempting to reach higher grounds as a human being - because we can! And when it comes to common courtesy, do you remember the word etiquette? That word that you hardly ever hear anymore being it hidden deep in social consciousness along with morality and values. I remember the simple etiquette lessons in childhood repeated to me since I could talk, to keep your elbows close to your body at the table, not to speak with your mouth full, not to cross your legs in church (the few times we went to church), offering your seat to the elderly lady on the streetcar and just a general sense of conducting yourself with grace at all times.
I decided to do a little research, and see what I find at the bookstore - about all this. I will give myself an A to Z recap of all that I learned and more, as I felt I forgot many a good lesson and my education was left unfinished being out in the world early on, making my way. To put my endeavor into perspective, I am currently in my mid 20s and I haven't always, or should I say rarely lived up to my own expectations. My perception of the world is a place where none of this seemed important or present anymore, but everyone appreciated a glimpse of true class on the rare occasion when it was seen in that exceptional individual.
I wondered into one of the largest bookstores in my neighborhood and thought surely, there must be an all-encompassing guide on how to be the classy woman of the 21st century in the lifestyle section. I immediately found a book, prominently displayed - center stage, it was called: "How To Be a Man: A Guide To Style and Behavior For The Modern Gentleman". I thought - this is great, if men are written for and thought how to be of class, the women's equivalent must be here somewhere. As I was looking through the section, I found a book that came closest to the topic promising to be an all-purpose guide on the Audrey Hepburn way of life. I was a little disappointed when I realized, that this is in fact a collection of every day situations she encountered in her life and the paths she took, in the style of a Holy Book of Audrey proclaiming that all she ever did was right and good, and should be adopted. I love Audrey Hepburn - I think she's an icon of elegance and grace. But to "not choose an interior designer" because she didn't, or buy a brand of shoes because she did, is hardly what I would call timeless wisdom. There were a number of other books instructing ladies on how to charm a man, and make him want to carry shopping bags for you because you're oh so soft and fragile, and warning us that having sex less than three times a week is a sign that our relationship is close to being over. Where is the substance? Is it all for show? Disappointed and nauseated, I decided to take a walk home instead.
I turned on my computer and went to the all-knowing oracle, the World Wide Web as my hope for information and advice. A little more variety and I won't say that it's all bad, but let me show you two comparable sites I found, and you be the judge: http://artofmanliness.com and http://www.elegantwoman.org. The first site is intended for and written by a man, and is complete with a creative design, and offers advice on books to read, grooming, everyday situations, skills, etc. The site for women.. Well, knowing that it's written for the modern intelligent soon to be classy reader, it's pink and very rosy - complete with valuable "tid-bits" on how to be what I would call a 1950s fairy of a lady. According to the author, a good woman goes to church, and when her man comes home, she wisely advises: "Don't bore him with details about your day or your aches or pains". My personal favorite is her insight on how to be an independent woman. How else: always be coming and going - go to the movies and go shopping, so it's hard for your man to catch you. Of course - I knew the feminist movement had to do something with shopping and Hollywood! Certain sections of the site however seem to be describing a saint: "She loves. She loves her husband, her children, her mother-in-law. She loves dogs, beautiful gardens, books." "She can notices things about little children, remembering what is their favourite toy." Ahem.. what about her grammar?..
I find there to be somewhat of a confusion about the meaning of culture, class and grace in the mind of the North American Generation Y, anyone know where the European youth is headed?
It is interesting however, that there is much more clarity and importance dedicated to the definition of a gentleman. Are the roles and priority of men and women still that different in my adopted society? I see age old stereotypes too often, in an era where we're supposed to move away from gender differentiation, but I base that judgement on people I come across in my everyday life, who - in my humble opinion - are far from being "normal". I will explain below..
In the city where I live (population of 5 million), the luxury district is a tiny area encompassing two-three picturesque little streets with century-old houses all converted into boutiques and restaurants. I've been working in the midst of this social circus and sociological petri-dish for the past couple of years, observing and amusing myself with the everyday lives of the so-called upper class society of our beloved city. In short, this is how it goes: if a man is successful and/or funny, morals and manners are not required. All men who fit into this category socialize with most other men in this category with frequent mutual pats on the back, and often exchange thoughts on men's superiority to women, that is when they're not busy flirting with one. Women stay skinny, buy expensive brands if they can afford it or if they can't, and make it their life's mission to latch onto and marry a successful man - love not a requisite - but the appearance of love until married is an art form they take pride in. Integrity and class not required, as it prolongs the latching on process and is considered old fashioned and stuck up by fellow females. Women who are already considered upper class and not just aspiring apprentices, master the art of looking down upon all women who are not so inclined (note: it is still hard to find a woman who made it to financial euphoria all on her own). After all, if you are, or once you get rich, it is your proof to the world that you are right, and they are wrong besides being losers. And the craziest part of all, is that the majority of the audience - aka. the rest of us - watches and nods with understanding and a distant admiration for this parade of twisted values. Is it just here, or has most of the world gone crazy?
We need a reminder, that being classy has nothing to do with money, brands, and status symbols. It is being the best you can, and trying to be even better. It is hunger for knowledge and using that knowledge ethically to leave the world a little better than the way we found it, and establishing respect from others by merit, not ego and aggressiveness. Most importantly, treating your fellow human beings and other forms of life with respect.
After years of social observation I find myself in awe and disgust, and I want to be so much more to break far-far away from it all, hence the start of my culture refresher and self education. All I can do, is attempt to make the best out of my life and try to pass on all that's good in me to my children if I'll have any, and whoever else is willing to accept it.
Ultimate goal: improving the mind and the world and conducting every-day life with confidence and grace.
